When I took a job as a business traveler, I quickly learned that females traveling alone are often met with suspicion and disdain. Ironically, the worst offenders of bias against solo female travelers are other women. I’ve become accustomed to being slighted and ignored by hotel and restaurant personnel while watching them roll out the red carpet for my male counterparts.

 When I took a job that required travel, I  never imagined that eating would be such an ordeal. Using a service such as UberEats at a hotel comes with its own set of challenges–I once had my meal left in a bush in the parking lot. My company’s travel policy restricts room service. As a result, I often dine out at restaurants– an experience which should be, in theory, a pleasant benefit of the job.

As a solo diner, I have two options– a table for one or a seat at the bar. When a man sits at the bar and enjoys a beer and hamburger, nobody thinks anything of it. When a woman sits alone at the bar, it poses all kinds of questions. Why is she alone? Is there something wrong with her? Is she a lonely old maid? Is she looking to hook up? Is she trying to get free drinks? Let’s face it, solo businessmen don’t have to worry about being mistaken for a prostitute.

I will occasionally sit at the bar if I feel comfortable with my surroundings, but there are times when I prefer to sit at a table. This was the case recently at a hotel restaurant near the airport in Boston. I politely asked the host for a table for one, and I was told to sit at the bar. When I looked around at the crowded bar, I saw that it was solely occupied by men, some of whom appeared to be intoxicated. I noticed at least eight open tables and once again reiterated that I would like to sit at a table. I was told that it would be at least an hour before they could seat me. As I was sitting in the hotel lobby trying to figure out where I was going to eat that night, I watched a man without a reservation get seated right away at one of the open tables. I immediately went back and asked for a table again and was begrudgingly seated.

I wish that this was an isolated incident, but bias against women has become common practice during my experiences as a female solo traveler. I recently overheard a hostess whisper to another waitress that she would seat me at the table in the direct sunlight that nobody else wanted. Another time at an airport restaurant, the waitress told me the kitchen was too busy and that she wouldn’t be able to serve me food. Minutes later, she warmly welcomed a man dressed in a business suit and asked him what he would like to eat.

As a woman, it’s difficult to complain. Women who advocate for themselves are not looked upon fondly in our society, and women who speak up are labeled with numerous pejorative terms. Consequently, female travelers too often stay quiet. Perhaps, my story of not being seated at a table sounds trivial, but the alternative was to put myself in an uncomfortable situation at the bar with a bunch of drunk men or wander outside the hotel at night in search of a restaurant that would be willing to seat me. 

I implore hotels and restaurants to understand that the face of the business traveler is changing and not all corporate travelers are confident men dressed in suits. Some are small, soft-spoken women like me. Be aware that the solo woman entering your establishment isn’t a desperate, lonely lady. She isn’t a hooker, and she isn’t looking to score free drinks. She’s a businesswoman with a corporate card who tips well. Please understand the unique challenges that solo female travelers face and do everything you can to ensure their safety.